Showing posts with label ISOLATION. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ISOLATION. Show all posts

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Modular Poem - Pain

Thursday

I remember parts of Thursday - watched "Coraline" and wrote tons of notes because we are watching it for a college class.

"Coraline" is a little creepy - why would I let my kids watch it?  It's not like I can stop them, they are already adults.  And they've already watched it.

Friday

Friday was my day of bliss with my hands in clay all day. Well until 2:00 p.m. Seven hours of bliss. Then I was home; something happened that distressed me into a panic.   I was a reck for the rest of the day.

Saturday

I originally had plans for Fish n Chips; I canceled them.  I told my friends a half-truth for the reason why.  I made new plans on Friday for Saturday and ended up not doing the new plans either.  I didn't lie - I just didn't tell the whole truth.

Instead of having a nice day out with my friends, I stayed home all day - cleaned; washed some clothes; finished an essay.

BTW: It’s not like me to lie. I didn’t want to lie - but I was embarrassed and ashamed...

Sunday

I don’t remember Sunday. I think I sat at my computer - Oh yeah, I did. I remember now.  There was more homework to do, mail to open and files to organize.  It was awesome, I found a short story I had started writing a while back - it's pretty good.  Right now it's sad - I promise there is a happy ending - but not like a fairy tale happy ending - those aren't real.  If they were I would be with the prince of my dreams.

Monday

I was excited about school; I was going to see my favorite people. I don’t think I’m theirs… I don’t care.

I still get to see them and talk with them.  We share ideas and experiences - well not everyone - I have some friends who don't say much; but when they do it is meaningful, intelligent, brilliant and often pretty funny. Actually, it's just one friend.  One of my favorites.

Oh, I put the wrong contacts in - because I couldn't see the color - apparently I wore my black ones and terrified all the students in the tutoring center; plus some of the tutors - this might explain the strange look I received from one of my favorites in the creative writing class.  Another friend, Max, told me that he thought I was possessed.

Tuesday

I got to see two more favorite people. We watched the ending of "Coraline" and then my two favorite people and I worked on a poster.   We drew an eye, a button, a drachma and the river Styx with the ferryman.  I really enjoyed that.  And we wrote some drivel:  "the eyes are the windows to the soul".  I guess it's not drivel - I cover my eyes with contacts so no one can see into my soul.  I wear mine on my sleeve - or is that my heart?

OMG! I felt an earthquake after class. I freaked out. I told a friend. I don’t think he believed me. It was real. I swear. You can ask my other friend, who was there.

Wednesday

Today is Wednesday. I woke up this morning in pain. A pain that I am all too familiar with. It’s the pain that I was warned about.  The pain that precedes the necessity of the wheelchair - kind of like the calm before the storm -but the storm is happening now.   Victor purchased my new wheelchair six months ago. As soon as I become friends with the wheelchair I will have to schedule surgery. I will have to quit school. I will not be able to do anything for at least six months… the definition of complete empty calm.

I don’t want that. I want to live my life and do all the things that I haven’t done yet. I want to get another piercing and I want to get my first tattoo (I'm a little afraid).  I want to kiss the young man that I fancy - I'm glad he doesn't know  - At least I don't think so. I want to write an epic novel. I want to travel to Europe. I want to walk the line for graduation with my favorites.

So, I put my jazz shoes on and kicked my heel at the beautiful blue wheelchair sitting in the corner. I will wear these shoes all day so that I can feel each pebble and crack in the concrete. I will feel the warmth of the heated cement and asphalt and the texture of the carpet in the LRC. I will perform Tai Chi feeling every slat of wood along with its cracks. And I will memorize it all for when I can’t.

Thursday, April 2, 2020

Silence


Florescent and track lights shown brightly overhead; a complete contrast to the silence filling the spacious tutoring center. A single voice boomed across the room alerting the five tutors that they were not alone.
Silence filled the space again.
"Social Distancing" the new norm.
The silver globe perched on its pedestal; solid and strong doesn't seem to notice the absence of students. It does not bend to wind rushing through the campus; creating a love song for the trees and shrubs to dance to.
As the wind dies the silence deepens. Solitary figures sinking into their seats; settled for a couple more hours of silent reflection beneath a canopy of artificial lights.
by Rebecca Ann Hyde Gonzales
Written March 18, 2020

Beauty Emerges From The Darkness

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