LOOKING UP

I went to the hospital at noon today and stayed for about 6 hours. I go back after 8 p.m.

Victor is doing much better. The ultrasound confirmed that he does not have gal stones. YEAH!!!!!!!!!! This is a relief. If there had been any stones; surgery was a definite.

The day nurse pulled up Victor's images from the Ultra sound; the CTScans and the X-rays. He also played the voice reports so I could hear the doctor's comments. It was nice to be able to see with my own eyes exactly what is going on inside of Victor. His sugar levels have been good and he hasn't needed any insulin. His labs came back good and his lipids are down to 106.

The pancreas; of course; is still inflamed and he is still running a temperature. His kidneys are fine - which is also a relief. The doctors and nurses were concerned that they might fail since he started experiencing pain in his kidnesy shortly after he was admitted to the hospital. His systems are still backed-up and for those of you who like acronyms you can figure out the little phrase that is being used to describe my husband's condition: FOS

Victor has literally been the BUTT of the jokes in ICU and it has been nice to see him smile.

He was more alert today and when Elliott came to visit, Victor asked questions about conversations that Elliott and I have had over the past couple days when we thought he was asleep. It surprised Elliott. I thought it was funny.

The doctor filling in for Dr. Bhangoli let Victor know that he could probably start drinking clear liquids and eating jello. Victor's favorite. He is starving and wants to eat real food.

He has been trying to get Elliott to sneak in jolly ranchers so that he has something to suck on. This information was shared with the doctor and he told Victor that was not a good idea.

The day nurse stated that Victor may be moved back to a regular room tomorrow if he continues to improve as he has all day.

I have been deeply touched by the support that our family has received from the ward. Victor has been visited every day by members of the ward and they have offered assistance and relief. I have known that Victor is loved and respected in our Ward; yet it has been confirmed in such tangible ways the past five days. The Ward has shown how much they love him. Today the Sotos took Evan, Aislyn and Allisa on a hike and then took them to In-N-Out. Brother Soto is the 1st counselor in the bishopric.

We are having meals brought in every day this week since I am at the hospital until 6 p.m. when ICU is closed to visitors while they are doing the shift change routines. The families that have been scheduled to bring the meals in have done so with great love and affection for this family and I have felt their genuine love and support.

The two hours spent at home before I go back to the hospital are spent making sure the kids are on task; doing laundry and updating my family via this blog on Victor's status.

I have felt comfort in the support and am able to function. It's when the house gets quiet and I am alone in my bed that the feelings and emotions sweep over me like a flood. Sometimes the despair and grief have been so bad that my heart aches. In that moment of complete grief I remember the promise of the Savior that my burdens and pain can be eased if I take his Yoke upon me. Turning to my Heavenly Father in my Savior's name has given me peace and when I look upon my husband I am grateful. I am grateful that he accepted the gospel and was baptized. I am grateful that he chose me to be his eternal companion and that the covenants we made in His Holy Temple make it possible for us to be together forever. I am grateful that he honours his priesthood. I am grateful that he is a good man.

I am grateful for your love and support.

MOVED TO ICU

Victor has continued to run a temperature - about 101F

A GI Specialist was called in because Victor's abdomin was still tight and hard and he was still experiencing pain.

The GI Specialist made several changes to Victor's therapy. He has a tube draining the fluids from his stomach (the fluids from his pancreas have been spilling into his stomach). He has about four different IV fluids dripping. He has his own self medicating pain medicine. Because he is still on oxygen and they don't want him dried out - they have added a humidifier to the oxygen.

He has been moved to ICU so that he can be monitered more closely and has had two more exams along with blood work. He has had another CTScan and an ultrasound along with chest x-rays.

I'm going back to the hospital in a few minutes to sit with him for a couple of hours.

Saturday - May 23rd - Health Update

Victor was awake more today and we talked a little.

He has less pain - and this is very good.

He did develop a low grade fever and he now has antibiotics added to his IV drip along with the saline drip and an electorlite drip. Later this evening his blood pressure was a little elevated and his oxygen level dropped. They put him back on oxygen.

He had more blood work done this afternoon and had another CTScan (this time with contrast).

He stated that the two bottles of barium tasted like vanilla muscle milk... :) I will take is word on that one.

The CTScan has already been read by the radiologist (we have friends in high places) and the audio report is available for the physician to listen to (she had already left for the day). We will be told tomorrow the results of the lab work; the blood cultures and the CTScan.

I have tried to maintain emotional composure; yet I have had moments when Victor was asleep when the tears would just flow. Even now in the quiet of the living room the tears flow freely. I haven't quite figured out why I am so sad. Sometimes, it is because my husband is sick. Other times it is because I am so tired. On several occassions I know the tears come because of my thoughts and all the things I want to say to my husband. How much I love him and how important he is to me. I have found that the words don't come easily, yet I am hoping that he know how much I love him by my willingness to help him and watch over him. Everything from helping him get out of bed; bringing him water or just repositioning the pillows is not a task or a burden. I want to help him. I want him to be comfortable.

It's amazing how love grows by leaps and bounds when you care for the one that you love.

Any way, it is late and I have an early start planned for tomorrow.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Health Update - Victor

I am sure that most of you are aware that Victor was taken by ambulance to the hospital Thursday evening for acute abdominal pain.

After several; very frustrating hours; a doctor in the ER finally came to tell us that Victor had pancreatitis (probably spelled wrong). Basically, Victor's pancreas is swollen and it is not functioning properly.

The doctor explained that Victor would need to be hooked up to an IV and not eat or drink anything for 3 days. If you know Victor, this is a very scary thing on two counts.

1) Victor HATES needles - although he has had to endure poking and prodding for the past year due to his diabetes.
2) Victor turns into a grizzly bear when he hasn't eaten.

He spends most of his day sleeping; when he is not sleeping he is in pain... It's a constant round of sleeping and pain management. He is doing better and is not in as much pain as he was on Thursday.

I will be with him later today and will give an update tomorrow.

GRADUATION!

In just a few short weeks the Gonzales family will have two graduations to celebrate.

Vincent is graduating from High School - that makes three high school graduates. And he will be turning 18 on June 4th!!!!!!!!! :)

We have not yet heard what he plans to study in college. His career goals have changed frequently. He does have a love for cooking (he wanted to be a chef) and we have had many lessons in my kitchen. He wanted to be a fireman and was going to have an interview with the Fire Chief (who happens to be our High Counsel Representative). Brother Tuitama was going to help persuade Vincent to go on a mission... :) He loves music and has thought about becoming a professional musician. He plays the bass... :) The last conversation I had with him, he had expressed interest learning some valuable skills to work on the oil rigs... Victor and I have steered him to Brother Bandy who actually hires for the oil rigs off the coast of California... So, here we are at the 11th hour and he still hasn't a clue... I'm sure he will figure it out.

Evan is graduating from Junior High and will begin high school at Rio Mesa next fall. He will also be going to seminary. How exciting. Evan will be taking all AP classes and has elected to take FRENCH as one of his electives and will be participating in CROSS COUNTRY for his PE elective in the fall. Evan's graduation is kind of a scary milestone for me. This means that he is growing up really fast and in just 5 years he will be going on a mission. YIKES!!!!

In less than 10 years all my children will be adults. That kind of scares me too.

I am very proud of my kids and I know they will be successful. I just can't believe that they are growing up already.

FRIDAY!

I am so excited that we have finally made it to Friday. I am currently at lunch and will be leaving the office in less than three hours.

YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have not decided what I am going to do with my weekend yet. I could clean the house (it really needs it). I could work in the yard - it really needs it too - especially now that my sprinklers and everything is growing including the weeds.

I could be lazy and do nothing... :) I have been doing nothing for the past three evenings. This may not be a good idea.

We could take the kids somewhere fun or take them to see another blockbuster hit. We have already seen Wolverine and Star Trek. We enjoyed both. The kids are looking forward to seeing the next MUSEUM movie and the next TRANSFORMERS movie.

They are also looking forward to the next HARRY POTTER (#6) and NEW MOON with the gorgeous Rob Patteson.

There is a chance that I might do some writing this weekend - now that Victor has set me up to use his laptop. I could slam out several more chapters in a day... :)

CASPER and "Friends"

Well, as you know, "Casper" was evicted several years ago and hasn't returned... :)

Well, "Casper" has friends.

The neighborhood in which we live used to be a prisoner of war camp (World War II) and many of the residents have reported less tangible house guests for many years. I don't know that any of these guests are actual deceased prisoner's of war - I don't know the whole story.

Any way, we have had several guests visit our house over the past several months. For the most part they have been completely harmless - yet extremely annoying.

Lucy has reported that the door bell rings when she is home by herself and sometimes hears voices. I know. CREEPY.

Allisa has heard someone calling her name when she has been sleeping.

When I play the piano there are about 2 or 3 visitors who hang out in the Living Room.

It's not an every day occurrence. Yet it happens often enough that we are aware of their presence almost the instant they are there. We can also tell if they are benign or if they intend to cause harm.

Victor and I were both physically attacked about a year or so ago. Not such a fun experience. Actually quite frightening. Aislyn and I both felt an evil presence in the middle of the night when Victor was out of town and she ran into my room and we prayed to have it go away.

The activity seems to increase as we strive harder to keep the commandments and do those things that are pleasing to our Heavenly Father. Prayer has always been our companion and when we pray we know that Heavenly Father sends his angels to protect us and to keep evil from entering our home.

Last week the activity was just about every day. Victor and I discussed the situation on Sunday and I know that we both prayed to have these unwanted guests removed from our home. There hasn't been any activity since Sunday.

I am often puzzled as to why our family is constantly in the midst of this kind of activity and if it will ever stop. It disturbs me a little and I wonder if there is anything that we could be doing that would make it stop forever. Or do we continue to live with this and just know that it is a part of our life?

I do know that there is nothing on this earth that could persuade us to abandon our beliefs or values or presuade us to compromise the covenants we have made. There is nothing that would make me want to forsake the blessings of the gospel. There is nothing that is of greater value than those blessings.