Piano Voices

Piano

I.

I know your mood each time
You stroke my keys
Your choice of signature
Metre and key
The Sonnet and the March
A steady beat
The Minuet and Waltz
O’ so complete
Your sadness swells among
The ebony
While happiness rises
Twinkling above the higher range


II.

Today your anger is pounded
Out upon my board and the thumping
Of the peddles releasing and sustaining
Your sadness of yesterday swelled
When your fingers glided across
The black keys of the minor chord
Tomorrow I hope that joy and
Happiness will join our duet and
Make a trio, plus a refrain

III.

You met me when you were eight and you loved me the instant you could make my heart strings sing.  You labeled every white key with masking tape; a map to the music played.  You took your anger out on me by pounding the keys and stomping on my pedals without leaving a single blemish upon my shiny surface.  I remember when you fell in love.; your hands drifted over my board as your fingers caressed the smooth ivory and ebony keys, dropping the hammers against my internal wires; almost like fingers stroking the strings of a harp.

Diamantes Are A Girl's Best Friend

TREE

ROUGH HARD

SAWING SPLITTING SHAPING

PLANK SHEET HAMMER NAIL

SANDING PAINTING SELLING

BEAUTIFUL SMOOTH

TABLE

CHILD

INNOCENT CURIOUS

CRAWLING WALKING RUNNING

TOYS BOOKS BIKES CARS

STUDYING WORKING LIVING

CONFIDENT EXPERIENCED

MAN

PAPER

BLANK FRESH

INVITING WAITING DAUNTING

PEN HAND MIND THOUGHT

WRITING READING THINKING

TERRIBLE BORING

TRASH

A Few Clerihew For You to View

David Bowie

Ate a hoagie

Captured Sarah

Instead of Farrah

Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange

Has proved through the skillful acting emotional range

Through several roles throughout his training

I think that Doctor Strange most entertaining

Tom Hiddleston best known as Loki

Embraces his role of trickster even when it seems a bit hokie

My daughter Allisa dreams of being wed

Yet realizes it may not be so with certain dread

Modular Poem - Pain

Thursday

I remember parts of Thursday - watched "Coraline" and wrote tons of notes because we are watching it for a college class.

"Coraline" is a little creepy - why would I let my kids watch it?  It's not like I can stop them, they are already adults.  And they've already watched it.

Friday

Friday was my day of bliss with my hands in clay all day. Well until 2:00 p.m. Seven hours of bliss. Then I was home; something happened that distressed me into a panic.   I was a reck for the rest of the day.

Saturday

I originally had plans for Fish n Chips; I canceled them.  I told my friends a half-truth for the reason why.  I made new plans on Friday for Saturday and ended up not doing the new plans either.  I didn't lie - I just didn't tell the whole truth.

Instead of having a nice day out with my friends, I stayed home all day - cleaned; washed some clothes; finished an essay.

BTW: It’s not like me to lie. I didn’t want to lie - but I was embarrassed and ashamed...

Sunday

I don’t remember Sunday. I think I sat at my computer - Oh yeah, I did. I remember now.  There was more homework to do, mail to open and files to organize.  It was awesome, I found a short story I had started writing a while back - it's pretty good.  Right now it's sad - I promise there is a happy ending - but not like a fairy tale happy ending - those aren't real.  If they were I would be with the prince of my dreams.

Monday

I was excited about school; I was going to see my favorite people. I don’t think I’m theirs… I don’t care.

I still get to see them and talk with them.  We share ideas and experiences - well not everyone - I have some friends who don't say much; but when they do it is meaningful, intelligent, brilliant and often pretty funny. Actually, it's just one friend.  One of my favorites.

Oh, I put the wrong contacts in - because I couldn't see the color - apparently I wore my black ones and terrified all the students in the tutoring center; plus some of the tutors - this might explain the strange look I received from one of my favorites in the creative writing class.  Another friend, Max, told me that he thought I was possessed.

Tuesday

I got to see two more favorite people. We watched the ending of "Coraline" and then my two favorite people and I worked on a poster.   We drew an eye, a button, a drachma and the river Styx with the ferryman.  I really enjoyed that.  And we wrote some drivel:  "the eyes are the windows to the soul".  I guess it's not drivel - I cover my eyes with contacts so no one can see into my soul.  I wear mine on my sleeve - or is that my heart?

OMG! I felt an earthquake after class. I freaked out. I told a friend. I don’t think he believed me. It was real. I swear. You can ask my other friend, who was there.

Wednesday

Today is Wednesday. I woke up this morning in pain. A pain that I am all too familiar with. It’s the pain that I was warned about.  The pain that precedes the necessity of the wheelchair - kind of like the calm before the storm -but the storm is happening now.   Victor purchased my new wheelchair six months ago. As soon as I become friends with the wheelchair I will have to schedule surgery. I will have to quit school. I will not be able to do anything for at least six months… the definition of complete empty calm.

I don’t want that. I want to live my life and do all the things that I haven’t done yet. I want to get another piercing and I want to get my first tattoo (I'm a little afraid).  I want to kiss the young man that I fancy - I'm glad he doesn't know  - At least I don't think so. I want to write an epic novel. I want to travel to Europe. I want to walk the line for graduation with my favorites.

So, I put my jazz shoes on and kicked my heel at the beautiful blue wheelchair sitting in the corner. I will wear these shoes all day so that I can feel each pebble and crack in the concrete. I will feel the warmth of the heated cement and asphalt and the texture of the carpet in the LRC. I will perform Tai Chi feeling every slat of wood along with its cracks. And I will memorize it all for when I can’t.

Prose Poetry - Pain

The pain woke me far too early. 4:00 a.m. maybe. Tears welled up; not because of the pain, but for what the pain meant. Struggling, I finally slip out of bed; pushing past pain. The wheelchair in the corner with outstretched arms waiting for me to accept his embrace. “Not today,” I said. “Perhaps tomorrow; for I have too much to do today.”

I cried again in the shower - because I was alone.  Showers are perfect places to sob and so I did.  I took my time selecting my clothes, styling my hair and applying my make-up.  It was important for me to feel pretty and pretend that everything was okay.

Weak and shaky, I will make it through today; on my own; like I have been doing all along.

As I walked out the front door I turned to the corner and said: "Mr. Blue, my wheelchair; you will just have to wait, I’m not ready. Ask me tomorrow."  I can almost guarantee I won't give in to the pain or that beautiful blue wheelchair.

Free Verse - Pain

I woke this morning to the pain; returned
I found myself weeping at its cost
I found the courage to rise and
Push through the pain.

I should have known; there were
Symptoms before the pain.
I ignored it; denying it; hoping
For another day.

I put my dance shoes on; my defiance
And hatred for the wheelchair
That sits in the corner waiting for
Me to need him - not today.

My reason for living drives and pushes
Me past the pain.
Yet shaking and weak; I am here today.
Pushing past the pain.

The day will come when I won’t be able
To stand, but I stand today.
I push through and work hard to finish
Everything I’ve started.

I want to leave my mark; before I can’t.

Heather Satin

The heather soft one and the satin black

  curled; resting quietly at my feet.

The mother and her milk are far distant

  memories, dreaming, lonely doth they sleep.

Hissing, jumping, cattail and paw boxing

  whining, crying, tail twitching while eating.

Kneading, fluffing, curled up against my side

  purring, stretching,  eyes gazing into mine.

The gray and black safe from neglect and harm

The gray one and the black one

  now cradled in my arms.

Man’s Nature

From Peer Gynt’s Morning Mood

And Debussy’s Claire de Lune

The morning sun upon my back

And midnight’s moonlit shadows lack.

The warmth of day and chill of breeze

Bring pleasures mixed and to my knees

The chill of night and rhythmic seas

Remind me to ever be.

The sun, the moon, the breeze the sea

They were all created for me.

The road, the track, the path the gate

Man bade us nature hate.

Light and life doth nature bring

Of such things my soul softly sings.

Industry shrouds the day and night

In ashy veils, a dreadful sight.

Sonnet: I Dreamt It Once

I dreamt and imagined me in your arms

My heart racing; secure in your embrace

Eyes wide open; gazing upon your face

Arms tangled; gently breathing; safe from harm

Across my neck; your kisses leaving lines

Gentle hands tracing lines from spine to breast

Lips lingering at nape of neck; to rest

Your hands caress and press against my spine

Only imagined and but a dream it seems

Hands touching; fingers laced; holding tighter

Beautiful daydreams make my heart lighter

Wishing to keep; afraid to lose the dreams

I dream and imagine it all again

To dream; to imagine; again and again.

Free Verse - I Dreamt It Once

I dreamt it once:

Gentle hands; fingers tracing lines 

From spine to breast.

Long deep breaths flowing across my neck

Lips lingering to trace the heartbeat there.

The world turning like a top; 

passion swinging, swaying.

I dreamt it once again:

Hands touching, fingers laced, holding tighter

A long embrace.

Warm waves ascending from deep inside

Where passion alone resides.

Heart racing, labored breathing, eyes open - 

Wide awake.

I imagined once:

You there, arms wrapped around;

Me securely in your embrace.

You leaning, me looking up into your eyes

Warm, soft buttery lips against mine.

I imagined it again:

You walked into the room; confident

I looked away - ashamed I dreamt of you that way

You came closer still; I could feel you near

Me hoping to hide - the shame I felt inside.

Every day I see you,

I dream and imagine it all over again.

I do not wish you to know,

But do enjoy these daydreams so.

One day you did not come,

My heart breaking - I wept inside.

I wish to keep you - afraid to lose the dream

My heart is breaking - I weep inside.

UNREQUITED

UNREQUITED

If it exists; it remains out of reach.

Dodging, twisting, racing, shrinking away

I had it once upon a time - true love.

Or so I thought - ripping, shredding, tearing

It left me - completely.  Alone in the dark.

Believing once of Faith, Hope, Charity, Love

Virtues often lauded within sacred text.

A knight in shining armor - no, mercenary

With twin rapiers strapped across his back

My virtues stripped and laid bare - sprawling - lifeless -

Left for dead.

Stretched across the un-sodden earth;

Naked

Ashamed

Alone

And he with his unsheathed, 

bloody rapiers; thrusting; carving away pieces

Taking what he owned.

Festering - fibrous cancer - all that remains

Broken - battered - beaten - barren - betrayed.

Faith: belief or trust in the unseen -

 trusting love exists.

Without my shade - the rapier’s senseless sacrifice -

My compass lost -

True love out of reach - the rapier’s cost.

Broken; soul to soul, I heard your voice - a plea

An echo of my own - kindred spirit - unknown

A seed planted - kindness sprouted

An echo back to me.

What was it that you said?  Or was it how you said it?

Feelings long buried sprung up - reaching - grasping

Rootless - shriveling away.

Oh troubled heart - not free to love another

Tethered to lovelessness - longing to break free.

My soul, trapped in its cage of bones

Fingers clasped tightly - ribs aching, cracking.

Lungs restricted; labored breathing - shaking.

You looked at me - my heart leaping from sorrow into hope

dragged back down

The pit - so dark - so isolated - lost - alone.

You draw near - I hear the ebb and flow of your breath

Your warm embrace imagined; my head resting on your chest.

You speak - I watch - curious - lips; are they soft?

Your tenderness; your caress - my broken heart - beating.

I sit staring at the rapiers on the wall - sheathed -

There they remain.

Afraid to pass them and cross the threshold

To the freedom and release; 

out there; somewhere.

You, the beacon, in the darkness, leading me,

Beaconing me - shackled where I stand

And you - out of reach.

Imagined - your touch, your caress, your embrace.

Iron chains; in your place

And you - unaware.

Holding my shade.

So with the dagger drawn from between my breasts

With a single cut - I remove the pain - 

 rising away on ethereal wings;

Yet, you remain.

Another cut - fueled passion; flames and dies - 

ash and cinder scattered across the night skies.

Yet, you remain.

Once more - grasping;  your lips and hands out of reach - 

cherry blossoms flung away

Yet, you remain.

Cold, unyielding steel against my flesh

A sigh escapes my untouched lips - a whispered “please”  

Acquiesced, relinquished life.

Still, you remain.

I marvel at the gaping wounds, where flesh and sinew meet

Crimson beads, slowly rising

Tears flowing - washing - welling up

Love’s well-spring overflowing;

You remain.

You, my soulmate - never knowing;

Cradling my shade.

I retrace each cut a little deeper -

 a little longer - stinging.  Hoping to cut it all away.

Pressed against the skin - I drive the silver blade - leaving its white shadow.

Releasing; lifting - flesh falling away - beautiful scarlet lines revealed -

All that remains.

Muscles contracting and veins weeping

Through blinding tears I see.

You remain:

 Forbidden, unrequited, my love.

My Shade.

Another Adventure

My time is near for another adventure -
One where my life should have meant something.

I feel the sun on my face as I
Watch it set for me; possibly
one last time.

I hope I still have time to do so
Many things I haven't done yet.

The backpacking across Europe remains
On my list.

I wish I could still do that; with
Someone who would want to see
Europe too.

I think I want to spend a year
There exploring the space and nature.

Maybe I'll paint the Italian sky -
You know the light is different there.

Maybe I'll spend time at a Sicilian
Vineyard; learning how to grow grapes

And then learning how to make wine.
Maybe, I'll create a label; leaving
Something of myself behind.

I would like to explore so many places
Like Stonehenge; the Louvre, Kensington
Palace and Westminster Abbey.

Maybe I'd take you; the you that is
Most important to me; the you that
Fills my soul with light.

Maybe I'll leave this life as you hold
Me.  We'll be watching the Mediterranean
Sunset; with me cradled in your arms.

But, what will I be leaving?  Have I
Made a difference?  Will I be
Remembered after I'm gone?

Will you remember me?

I'll remember you; the spark of life
That you've given me.  I will
Cherish it and protect it.

I still have time.

I will leave my mark.

Another Adventure Storybook Link

MY WALK WITH JESUS CHRIST

I walked along the paths of right
Until I stood at the gate of night.
I unlatched the latch and entered in
And found myself upon paths of sin.

I wandered miles and miles,
And days and nights
Until my soul awakened with a terrible fright.

“Oh!” I cried in tempest’s roar.
I plead with God, “Please, no more!”

I sought for love and comfort there
And found my Savior had been waiting there.

“My child,” He said in kindest tone,
“I love you so.” and then he groaned.
“I understand your pain.” He said
As my eyes moistened and my nose turned red.

“I watched you travel the paths of light,
But then you wandered in the night.
I prayed for you and tried to touch your heart,
But you could not see in the thick black dark.”

“My child, I grew sad upon your choice
And wished to hear your sweet soft voice.
“I watched you as you continued to fall
And wished that you would be humble enough to call.”

“Then one night in deepest anguish
I felt a tug upon my sleeve.
“I turned and looked with anxious love
There you were on bended knee.”

“I picked you up.
I embraced your soul.
“I even carried you through the knolls.
After traveling days and nights,


“And working with all my strength and might.
We worked our way home from wretched nights
“And walked into the bright warm light.

“I woke you from your slumber deep,
And set you down upon your feet.

“Thank you, Lord for blessing me,
And seeing that my soul was freed.

I watched as the Savior ascended to God
When I could see him no more,
I bowed my head and thanked him once more.
I looked to the left and beheld the rod.
And determined that I would forever hold on.

With prayerful thought, I took each step
And proceeded through life upon eternal precept.
I continued to walk the paths of light,
And I have found joy in doing right.