AFTER A WEEK

Victor has been in the hospital over a week now and he is ready to come home. The hospital wants to keep him for at least another week. They don't anticipate releasing him to work until the end of June. Victor's boss is a little disappointed. He landed a concrete job in Camarillo so Victor doesn't have to commute. The job begins June 15th...

He is eating. They started him off with jello, broth and clear juices. They were bringing a lot for each meal and he started giving me what he couldn't eat. Yesterday afternoon, Dr. Holley told Victor that he could start eating full liquids. This means he can have pudding and thicker soups.

He is watching TV and listening to his music. Both a good sign, since he didn't want any noise for the first 4 days.

He has had a real shower and he was happy to be cleaner than the sponge baths were allowing.

My lungs have decided to become the incubator for all the nasty germs that can be found in the hospital. I have this nasty cough the expells all kinds of junk. So, I have been feeling pretty lousy. We both took a two hour nap yesterday evening. Victor was more rested than me. I coughed frequently.

The kids are wild now. They don't get anything done. It has taken them 24 hours to fold two loads of laundry and there are 8 more to go... :)

The ward members have brought meals every night - so the kids have been eating well.

Today will be another day where I will spend the bulk of the day at the hospital after I get a few things done here at the house.

I will update you soon.

LOOKING LIKE VICTOR

Well, after a brief meltdown (on Victor's part) yesterday morning and spending a tha majority of my day at the hospital (12 hours) Victor is looking like Victor.

He let me shave his face. The first and only time in the 15 years that we have been together. He is terrified that I will shave the whole thing off. After promising multiple times that I would not shave off his entire beard he consented. I did a pretty good job. His face was nice and soft when I was done and not a cut or scratch... :) He looks very handsome.

After battling with the doctors and the nurses (Victor was battling - not me); Victor escaped the dreaded pic line... :) He also got what he wanted - strawberry sugar free jello. He had been coveting mine and remarked (while I was eating) that smells so good.

Any way, we are going to try to work again today and see if Victor can wait until after noon to have his wife at the hospital.

THREE CHEERS FOR VICTOR

Victor is doing much better. He has been moved from ICU and is now in a regular room.

All the tubes are out of him and he has gone from eight IV's to 3. He is still in pain; but not like before. He self medicates when he feels that it is necessary. He is allowed ice chips and is allowed to sip very small amounts of water. If he is feeling better tomorrow they may start him on broths; jello and clear juices.

The diabetes specialist is coming tomorrow to provide instruction on shopping for good foods; eating correct portions; etc. Both Victor and I will participate in the free services and education for diabetes.

Victor had some new visitors today and it was nice that they came. We have had a couple of phone calls offering assistance and well wishes.

His goals are to get out of bed and walk around.

He also has to exercise his lungs. They have become lazy due to being in a bed since last Thursday and having oxygen pumped into him... :) He has a little bit of a wheeze and is being watched to make sure that he does not end up with pneumonia.

He still wants a jolly rancher - I bought ten - five green apple and five watermellon. I put one of each on his table as incentive to work on getting better. He has gotten used to being waited on hand and foot and so his whole body and attitude are a little "LAZY" like his lungs. I told him he couldn't have them until he does what the nurse and the doctor have instructed him to do... :) Which means he will be able to eat... :)

Both jolly ranchers were in his reach for 5 hours and he didn't even try to eat one. I have hidden them. He won't find them... :)

LOOKING UP

I went to the hospital at noon today and stayed for about 6 hours. I go back after 8 p.m.

Victor is doing much better. The ultrasound confirmed that he does not have gal stones. YEAH!!!!!!!!!! This is a relief. If there had been any stones; surgery was a definite.

The day nurse pulled up Victor's images from the Ultra sound; the CTScans and the X-rays. He also played the voice reports so I could hear the doctor's comments. It was nice to be able to see with my own eyes exactly what is going on inside of Victor. His sugar levels have been good and he hasn't needed any insulin. His labs came back good and his lipids are down to 106.

The pancreas; of course; is still inflamed and he is still running a temperature. His kidneys are fine - which is also a relief. The doctors and nurses were concerned that they might fail since he started experiencing pain in his kidnesy shortly after he was admitted to the hospital. His systems are still backed-up and for those of you who like acronyms you can figure out the little phrase that is being used to describe my husband's condition: FOS

Victor has literally been the BUTT of the jokes in ICU and it has been nice to see him smile.

He was more alert today and when Elliott came to visit, Victor asked questions about conversations that Elliott and I have had over the past couple days when we thought he was asleep. It surprised Elliott. I thought it was funny.

The doctor filling in for Dr. Bhangoli let Victor know that he could probably start drinking clear liquids and eating jello. Victor's favorite. He is starving and wants to eat real food.

He has been trying to get Elliott to sneak in jolly ranchers so that he has something to suck on. This information was shared with the doctor and he told Victor that was not a good idea.

The day nurse stated that Victor may be moved back to a regular room tomorrow if he continues to improve as he has all day.

I have been deeply touched by the support that our family has received from the ward. Victor has been visited every day by members of the ward and they have offered assistance and relief. I have known that Victor is loved and respected in our Ward; yet it has been confirmed in such tangible ways the past five days. The Ward has shown how much they love him. Today the Sotos took Evan, Aislyn and Allisa on a hike and then took them to In-N-Out. Brother Soto is the 1st counselor in the bishopric.

We are having meals brought in every day this week since I am at the hospital until 6 p.m. when ICU is closed to visitors while they are doing the shift change routines. The families that have been scheduled to bring the meals in have done so with great love and affection for this family and I have felt their genuine love and support.

The two hours spent at home before I go back to the hospital are spent making sure the kids are on task; doing laundry and updating my family via this blog on Victor's status.

I have felt comfort in the support and am able to function. It's when the house gets quiet and I am alone in my bed that the feelings and emotions sweep over me like a flood. Sometimes the despair and grief have been so bad that my heart aches. In that moment of complete grief I remember the promise of the Savior that my burdens and pain can be eased if I take his Yoke upon me. Turning to my Heavenly Father in my Savior's name has given me peace and when I look upon my husband I am grateful. I am grateful that he accepted the gospel and was baptized. I am grateful that he chose me to be his eternal companion and that the covenants we made in His Holy Temple make it possible for us to be together forever. I am grateful that he honours his priesthood. I am grateful that he is a good man.

I am grateful for your love and support.

MOVED TO ICU

Victor has continued to run a temperature - about 101F

A GI Specialist was called in because Victor's abdomin was still tight and hard and he was still experiencing pain.

The GI Specialist made several changes to Victor's therapy. He has a tube draining the fluids from his stomach (the fluids from his pancreas have been spilling into his stomach). He has about four different IV fluids dripping. He has his own self medicating pain medicine. Because he is still on oxygen and they don't want him dried out - they have added a humidifier to the oxygen.

He has been moved to ICU so that he can be monitered more closely and has had two more exams along with blood work. He has had another CTScan and an ultrasound along with chest x-rays.

I'm going back to the hospital in a few minutes to sit with him for a couple of hours.

Saturday - May 23rd - Health Update

Victor was awake more today and we talked a little.

He has less pain - and this is very good.

He did develop a low grade fever and he now has antibiotics added to his IV drip along with the saline drip and an electorlite drip. Later this evening his blood pressure was a little elevated and his oxygen level dropped. They put him back on oxygen.

He had more blood work done this afternoon and had another CTScan (this time with contrast).

He stated that the two bottles of barium tasted like vanilla muscle milk... :) I will take is word on that one.

The CTScan has already been read by the radiologist (we have friends in high places) and the audio report is available for the physician to listen to (she had already left for the day). We will be told tomorrow the results of the lab work; the blood cultures and the CTScan.

I have tried to maintain emotional composure; yet I have had moments when Victor was asleep when the tears would just flow. Even now in the quiet of the living room the tears flow freely. I haven't quite figured out why I am so sad. Sometimes, it is because my husband is sick. Other times it is because I am so tired. On several occassions I know the tears come because of my thoughts and all the things I want to say to my husband. How much I love him and how important he is to me. I have found that the words don't come easily, yet I am hoping that he know how much I love him by my willingness to help him and watch over him. Everything from helping him get out of bed; bringing him water or just repositioning the pillows is not a task or a burden. I want to help him. I want him to be comfortable.

It's amazing how love grows by leaps and bounds when you care for the one that you love.

Any way, it is late and I have an early start planned for tomorrow.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Health Update - Victor

I am sure that most of you are aware that Victor was taken by ambulance to the hospital Thursday evening for acute abdominal pain.

After several; very frustrating hours; a doctor in the ER finally came to tell us that Victor had pancreatitis (probably spelled wrong). Basically, Victor's pancreas is swollen and it is not functioning properly.

The doctor explained that Victor would need to be hooked up to an IV and not eat or drink anything for 3 days. If you know Victor, this is a very scary thing on two counts.

1) Victor HATES needles - although he has had to endure poking and prodding for the past year due to his diabetes.
2) Victor turns into a grizzly bear when he hasn't eaten.

He spends most of his day sleeping; when he is not sleeping he is in pain... It's a constant round of sleeping and pain management. He is doing better and is not in as much pain as he was on Thursday.

I will be with him later today and will give an update tomorrow.

GRADUATION!

In just a few short weeks the Gonzales family will have two graduations to celebrate.

Vincent is graduating from High School - that makes three high school graduates. And he will be turning 18 on June 4th!!!!!!!!! :)

We have not yet heard what he plans to study in college. His career goals have changed frequently. He does have a love for cooking (he wanted to be a chef) and we have had many lessons in my kitchen. He wanted to be a fireman and was going to have an interview with the Fire Chief (who happens to be our High Counsel Representative). Brother Tuitama was going to help persuade Vincent to go on a mission... :) He loves music and has thought about becoming a professional musician. He plays the bass... :) The last conversation I had with him, he had expressed interest learning some valuable skills to work on the oil rigs... Victor and I have steered him to Brother Bandy who actually hires for the oil rigs off the coast of California... So, here we are at the 11th hour and he still hasn't a clue... I'm sure he will figure it out.

Evan is graduating from Junior High and will begin high school at Rio Mesa next fall. He will also be going to seminary. How exciting. Evan will be taking all AP classes and has elected to take FRENCH as one of his electives and will be participating in CROSS COUNTRY for his PE elective in the fall. Evan's graduation is kind of a scary milestone for me. This means that he is growing up really fast and in just 5 years he will be going on a mission. YIKES!!!!

In less than 10 years all my children will be adults. That kind of scares me too.

I am very proud of my kids and I know they will be successful. I just can't believe that they are growing up already.

FRIDAY!

I am so excited that we have finally made it to Friday. I am currently at lunch and will be leaving the office in less than three hours.

YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have not decided what I am going to do with my weekend yet. I could clean the house (it really needs it). I could work in the yard - it really needs it too - especially now that my sprinklers and everything is growing including the weeds.

I could be lazy and do nothing... :) I have been doing nothing for the past three evenings. This may not be a good idea.

We could take the kids somewhere fun or take them to see another blockbuster hit. We have already seen Wolverine and Star Trek. We enjoyed both. The kids are looking forward to seeing the next MUSEUM movie and the next TRANSFORMERS movie.

They are also looking forward to the next HARRY POTTER (#6) and NEW MOON with the gorgeous Rob Patteson.

There is a chance that I might do some writing this weekend - now that Victor has set me up to use his laptop. I could slam out several more chapters in a day... :)

CASPER and "Friends"

Well, as you know, "Casper" was evicted several years ago and hasn't returned... :)

Well, "Casper" has friends.

The neighborhood in which we live used to be a prisoner of war camp (World War II) and many of the residents have reported less tangible house guests for many years. I don't know that any of these guests are actual deceased prisoner's of war - I don't know the whole story.

Any way, we have had several guests visit our house over the past several months. For the most part they have been completely harmless - yet extremely annoying.

Lucy has reported that the door bell rings when she is home by herself and sometimes hears voices. I know. CREEPY.

Allisa has heard someone calling her name when she has been sleeping.

When I play the piano there are about 2 or 3 visitors who hang out in the Living Room.

It's not an every day occurrence. Yet it happens often enough that we are aware of their presence almost the instant they are there. We can also tell if they are benign or if they intend to cause harm.

Victor and I were both physically attacked about a year or so ago. Not such a fun experience. Actually quite frightening. Aislyn and I both felt an evil presence in the middle of the night when Victor was out of town and she ran into my room and we prayed to have it go away.

The activity seems to increase as we strive harder to keep the commandments and do those things that are pleasing to our Heavenly Father. Prayer has always been our companion and when we pray we know that Heavenly Father sends his angels to protect us and to keep evil from entering our home.

Last week the activity was just about every day. Victor and I discussed the situation on Sunday and I know that we both prayed to have these unwanted guests removed from our home. There hasn't been any activity since Sunday.

I am often puzzled as to why our family is constantly in the midst of this kind of activity and if it will ever stop. It disturbs me a little and I wonder if there is anything that we could be doing that would make it stop forever. Or do we continue to live with this and just know that it is a part of our life?

I do know that there is nothing on this earth that could persuade us to abandon our beliefs or values or presuade us to compromise the covenants we have made. There is nothing that would make me want to forsake the blessings of the gospel. There is nothing that is of greater value than those blessings.

NO WATER PRESSURE

Four about a month we have had very poor water pressure. We couldn't have the sprinklers on and do a load of laundry at the same time.

We couldn't take a shower and have the dishwasher running.

Two people couldn't use the facilities at the same time...

Well, you get the picture... :)

Yesterday I came home and looked over my poor little front yard that has been turning brown because the sprinklers didn't work. So I turned on the hose and hand watered the planters and the grass. While I was in the middle of watering the front Victor came home and immediately began to investigate the water pressure problem.

He thought that he may have gotten rocks in the pipes when he had done some sprinkler maintenance a couple months ago. So he went and got a shovel and proceeded to dig up the planter under the girls room. When he could not find anything wrong there he decided to check the water hook up out at the street.

The little housing unit was full of water. WHAT?!?!?!?!

Victor proceeded to empty the water out by scooping up and tossing it out onto the street. When the water level was low enough he discovered that there was a slow leak at the street hook-up. He also noticed that concrete had been poured to make the housing unit more stable... :) In addition, whoever did the concrete work also turned the water all the way down to a slow trickle.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Victor spent about an hour in the front fixing the leak and turned the water back on. My sprinklers work in the front and back. It's amazing.

I even did a load of laundry while Victor took a shower.

Victor reported the problem to the President of the Water Board - our friend Theodore. Theodore stated that he knew nothing about the concrete - more repairs that have not been approved by the water board (that is a whole other story). Theodore was not happy - but was happy that Victor was handy enough to repair the slow leak and get our water running the way it should.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I hope all you mom's had a wonderful mother's day!

My nephew, Rogelio, came over with his family and made dinner. He is 16 years old and is an excellent cook.

He made roast chicken; some type for white fish with a mango salsa; a fruit salad; mashed potatos and I provided the rolls and the desert.

I asked him what he was going to be when he grew up. He stated in his very serious voice: "I am going to be a lawyer". I knew that from previous conversations and thought that his decision might change since his cooking skills have become exceptional. He is extremely intelligent and is more driven than any other 16 year old I know. I said: "So, you will be a lawyer who is also an excellent cook." He said: "Yeah, sure." Typical teenage response... :)

Victor gave me, his sister and his mother very nice bouquets and I arranged them in vases and we had them displayed on the dining room table. The whole house spelled of flowers... :)

Devlyn made an appearance for a couple of hours.

All in all, my Mother's Day was good.

EARTH QUAKE - OJAI

Yep. We had an earthquake - 4.2

It was really exciting - NOT!!!!!!! Made me sick.

http://quake.wr.usgs.gov/recenteqs/Quakes/ci10406593.htm

CHAPTER 5

Mairsile and A'dhamh had spent the past three months waiting and watching over their son, Rourke. There was no explaination for his illness or the fever that had taken him. The physicians and nurses just continued to administer to him - never finding the cause.

Rourke spent those long days laying in his hospital bed staring out the window; never allowed to leave the bed or his room. When he was alone at night he would cry himself to sleep. Every time a medical person came into his room his heart would race and the shadow of fear would cross over his face. When his parents came to be with him he would beg and plead to go home. The longer he was there his pleas became demands. His mother would just turn away from him to hide her tears and his father would just stand with no comment.

Mairsile and A'dhamh arrived this morning as they had all other mornings, but this time the physician that had been caring for Rourke was waiting for them in the room.

"Mairsile and A'dhamh your son seems to have recovered from what ever it was that ailed him," the physician stated matter of factly. "You can take him home."

Mairsile glanced over at her son to see a huge grin.

"Are you sure?" Mairsile asked. "He has been here so long and he has been so sick. He looks so frail and weak."

"Mairsile, Rourke can go home. He is weak and he will have to learn to walk again."

Rourke frowned. He was so excited about going home and being able to play outside with his brother and sister. This sounded like more confinement to him.

"Well, I guess we'll have to drag him outside every day then." A'Dhamh's voice boomed causing everyone to jump.

"I will have one of the nurses come in to describe some excersises that will help Rourke regain his strength. Being outside will do him a lot of good as well." As the physician left the room Rourke began to plan in his mind all the things that he was going to do as soon as he got home.

The nurse came in a few moments later and showed Mairsile the excercises that Rourke would need help with and she also provided a list of foods that would be good for him to eat. Mairsile gathered the few items that Rourke had in his room and put them in a satchel. A'dhamh picked up his son and carried him out to the carriage that was waiting outside the hospital doors.

The ride home was a couple of hours and while they travelled Rourke fell asleep and dreamed.

*********************

LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS - OH MY!

As I was driving to work this morning I spotted the tell tale blue and yellow heliocopter circling in the sky near work. The office building I work out of is at the major cross streets of FLYNN and MISSON OAKS BLVD in CAMARILLO.

You always know something is up when the blue and yellow heliocopter is sited.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/05/bear-sighting.html

In the last several years I have spotted some amazing things in the area where we live.

I saw a Coyote in one of the strawberry fields off of CENTRAL.

Red Tale Hawks perched on our fence in the back yard.

Just this year a pure white crane taking a stroll in the back yard.

Just another exciting day in the neighborhood

More of Chapter 4

Although the emotional burden and the physical exhaustion had not lifted, Alana felt at ease. Soft harmonic tones still playing in her mind as she moved towards the darkened horizon. From time to time thunderous booms interrupted the melody. Clash of metal against metal soon joined. As Alana drew closer to the blackness she realized it was not a shadow, but rather dust and smoke rising up from the earth. A great battle lay before her. She heard the cries of men at war and the clashing and thundering continued to grow louder.

Fear pierced her heart; still driven from within she pressed forward.

This was madness. She was sure of it.

Explosive thundering shook the ground as the she continued. Her ears began to ring with metal against metal. Enraged battle cries echoed through the desert valley and the sky grew darker.

In short time she was within paces of the edge of the battle field. She inhaled deeply and held her breath - waiting - wondering - what was next.

Alana closed her eyes tightly and then let out a long slow breath emptying her lungs. She could hear her own breath as it smoothly passed through her lips. She opened her eyes and there before her lay an open path between the two groups of warriors. Not a sound was heard but her breath and her heart beating hard and fast. Every man gazed upon her as she began to move between.

She met each gaze with wonderment and awe until she came upon a face that she did not know but recognized. His golden brown skin was framed by long black tresses that reflected back glints of red. His brow slightly furrowed shadowed his deep set chestnut colored eyes. Although this man was built for war she sensed kindness behind his eyes. She memorized the chisled jaw and high cheek bones and the straight narrow nose that pointed like an arrow to the deep divet in his chin. She could not deflect her gaze upon him as she continued to move forward and his gaze did not leave hers.

Once she had completely passed him she again looked forward and saw her goal just before her. The mountain and its paved road to the top.

Silence continued almost to the second she stepped beyond the fringes of the battle field. Clashing and banging rang through the valley along with the angry battle cries. She did not look back for war was not in her nature.

Chapter 4 Continued

Alana collapsed to her knees; sobbing uncontrollably. Her skin itchy and burning - an added torment to her despair born the night before.

She could feel darkness closing in; even though the sun shown brightly above.

Pain. Anguish. Loss. Emptiness - words to describe her existence. No hope. No future. No life. Alana's emotions and state of mind continued to swirl deeper and deeper into the deepest darkest pits of despair.

Tormented she began to give in to the darkness. No desire to fight and free herself.

"Alana, get up." A voice echoed in her mind. Alana completely drained both physically and mentally ignored the plea.

"Alana, get up!" more urgency in these words. Alana annoyed only stirred - mentally shrugging off the voice - hoping that it would go away.

"Alana!"

Alana, face down; raised herself up on her hands. Eyes clinched shut.

"Alana, you must get up," the voice rang through her mind.

Even though she had no desire to obey, Alana found strength in the depths of her soul. She stood, trembling with her eyes closed tight.

"Alana, you must continue," the voice softer than before "This is not the end."

Alana opened her tear brimmed eyes; the sun reflecting off the white sands. She slowly stepped forward - eyes fixed on the goal - the mountain just ahead, beyond the firey desert.

The first step; the hardest to take seemed to thunder below her. The heavy weight of her legs iron balls pressing deep into the freely moving grains of sand. Eyes fixed ahead she forged one more step; and with this foot fall she exhaled deeply. The next step a hesitation - the pain and the despair not worth the effort to move forward. Alana could feel her knees begin to buckle and her ankles relax. She fell to her hands and knees again.

"not worth it..." her voice weakly trailed off.

A different voice began in a low soft whisper. The words not clear. Each syllable rung in time to an unheard melody. Alana felt something stir within her. Something that she had not ever experienced before. Like the sun rising on a new day; Alana felt that she was waking up. Truth flashed across her face. Realization a liborator. A warm peace settled upon her. She had another chance...

She stood more resolute; eyes turned to her goal. The top of the mountain reflected back to her a brilliant light. Her gaze lowered to the base of the mountain and then closer to her where she could see the end of the desert scape. Between her and the base of the mountain, Alana could see a dark shadow that seemed to rise up from the ground with it's edges changing like water flowing through a river bed. She began to walk toward this dark mass. She was not afraid. She only knew that she had to continue forward.